Guilt - how can you deal with it

Guilt – how can you deal with it?

Guilt is one of the strongest negative feelings, rooted in human minds. You might feel guilty when something unpleasant happens. Sometimes, even if it is not dependent on you. Where this comes from. How it impacts your life and body. Can you deal with it? If so how?

Where the GUILT comes from?

From your youngest years, you might be taught, that some things are good and some are bad. That if you do something bad you will be punished. If your family is religious it might be a god who will do the punishment. Or karma. Or whatever other thing your relative believes. The thing is your whole life you were told to be good. To do the good things. To act right. Be honest. Truthful.

This kind of advice might be strengthened by saying that someone, either god or other super intelligence or simply mom, dad, a neighbour and so on, is observing you. That you are under surveillance all the time. Your behaviour, all your actions and sayings, and in the worst-case scenarios even your thoughts and feelings, are watched and judged all the time. Twenty four seven.

It might happen, that you were maybe not directly told this. You just simply see and feel, your parents and environment, approval or disapproval, of your actions. This way you were learning what is accepted and the same time, treated as good behaviour and what is not. So, you were trying your best to be good. To behave accordingly to someone’s teachings. To someone’s guidelines and rules of proper behaviour.

Yet, you are human, and as we all, you are have your flaws. No matter how hard you will try and push yourself, there are times you could not meet the expectations. And, if those were imprinted in you strongly, you start to feel bad, worthless and guilty, right? The worst was if someone points out your mistake, laughing at you or judging you by it.

It might come to that point, that you feel guilty even if, for example, you lend someone something and you now want to get that back. You might feel guilty to ask for the return of your item. I know how this sound, but it happens more often than you think. I know that, I was like that for a long time.

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Why is not good?

All that upbringing, teachings and impressions, that you are watched and assessed all the time, left a stamp on you. Now, in your adult life, you still might have a feeling, maybe even more intense, that you need to behave to be accepted by society. To be seen as a good person. An ideal, a perfect one.

However, because of that kind of thinking and careful, constant observation of your every word, every action, you do not feel happy, right? You feel anxious, stressed and exhausted from that kind of monitoring. And every time you slip, make a mistake, you feel like a worthless, useless, untrustful person. In other words, you feel guilty. You feel as you offend someone, you commit a crime.

This kind of feeling, this whole guilt, is not good for you, would you agree? It impacts whole your life as, for once, you examine and filter every single, even the smallest one, word and action. Maybe even thoughts or feelings. And believe me, you always find something that you can feel guilty for. There is always something like that in you, that might cause you to feel doomed.

This feeling is not good for your health as well. As I have stated above, it makes you feel exhausted. Other effects are anxiety, high level of irritation as if always living on edge of an eruption. You might have even physical symptoms as well. The most common ones are trouble with sleeping, stomach issues and headaches. I do believe you do not need nor want any of that.

How?

So what can be done? What you can do? You have at least two choices. You can still feel guilty and accuse yourself of everything. Or you can realise that you are a human being. Accept you can make mistakes. Allow yourself to make mistakes, understanding at the same time that they are part of life, a part of growing and self-development.

Next time when you feel guilty, press the pause button on your brain carousel of escalating this feeling. Look at what you have done, said, thought or feel and then do a quick check-up. Why do I feel guilty? Did this was really wrong with what I believe? Or maybe it is not aligned with what I was taught?

Is this a really bad thing? If so, how can I make it up? What I can do to reduce this feeling? Is there anything I can do? How important is it for me to make it up? How important is it for me to decrease that feeling? If it is important and I know what to do, when I am willing to do it? Knowing all this how am I feel now?

What helps me also was a simple exercise. You might try it for yourself. Close your eyes and see yourself as a little child, which unintentionally makes something that, in your opinion, was wrong. Now take this child on your lap and calmly explain that it was not its fault. That you understand, it did not know how to behave. And in any case, you love it no matter what.

Conclusion

From this short post, you gain knowledge of what is guilt, where it comes from. How it impacts your health and life. You learn two simple techniques of how can you deal with it.

In any case, you would like to know more or need some support I would love to help you with this. Just drop me a message on the links provided below.

Blessings upon you my friend.

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